Pretty face desires

I tried it all, fell in love, improved my life, grown up as all pretty like everyone else. And still I can’t improve my writing. I might question things around. I might question every good things around me “Are they good for me?”. The melancholiness is my writings isn’t even fading a little, It is as uncanny as before. And every time I go on questioning myself why??? I remembermy father’s words  , and that is “Unsatisfied can never be fulfilled.”
In his eyes , I am someone who even judges the perfection. I might write good when everything around me is blissful. I sometimes wonder about those people who wrote about sunsets, first spring,  their darlings beauty whille sitting all alone in a prison.  Anyways  what if his words are real  ??? 

Honestly I don’t want to be like those woman who put their head in the microwave.  Every woman dreams , dreams to live in her own kind of fairytale or demands a simple and happy life . Every pretty face has it’s own pretty desires.  But at some point of life , it all fades away. I grew up in a family where pretty face’s desires were never fulfilled and they had to step on to masculinity.  If was little practical and wise , I would never knew about those pretty face desires of a happy life and like all the ladies I too would step to masculinity.  But I live in a world of daydreams and all blinded by the rays of illusions. 

Even though my life is giving enough hardships and I am still dreaming about those dreamy pretty desires, And to acquire this wealth I consider myself as disqualified. The masculine pretty faces of my house always taught me to be bold and strong . Their word had impact on me no doubt . I reflect as a strong and bold to the world . But when I see my own reflection,  I appear as someone who is not yet ready for the world , wants to yap about werewolves,  dragons, sea and many more . Simply I want to take off the mask of strong and bold . This reflection is only for myself not even for suitors, coz I fear they might give me a reason to put my head in microwave.