John Keats would never –

If you read my work, you must have noticed that I don’t post regularly. I created this site with the aim of writing every day, but I’m terrible at it—probably the biggest procrastinator you’ll ever meet. To be honest, I don’t always write something knowledgeable or something people necessarily need to know.

Still, I want to build the habit. Am I consistent? Hell naah. It’s like someone in their twenties trying to develop a habit of a 5yo . The real problem is that I’m not even trying .

My world revolves around few things: my go-to person, my health (which is again horrible —I fall sick often), and my creativity (that shows up once in a decade). From a man’s pov, it might seem like I have plenty of time to pursue whatever . But I am John Keats who ended up at 25 with tuberculosis.

When you were raised by brown family you struggle to find your muse . You have to find someone with pure clean image , who must haven’t killed a mosquito in his long boring life . For a human like me whose wifi password is Adolf Hitler , finding a muse is so damn problematic.  So I write whatever is see or whatever comes to my mind .  And I kinda find it pretty normal since it’s like diary entry. Dear diary, this- that . Even now I have  turned my whole life into sarcasm . Once I was this-that dear diary girl . Who was only writing about anything and everything.  But now she have to “Think”. I know alot of people who were suffering from anxiety and doctors advice them not to think much .  So this is where all the roots of problems.  But we are humans honey, we can’t just turn off our mind . What can help us is a this – that Dear diary,  My favorite thing from my childhood after Popsicles. Sorry but you can never get a serious helpful statement from my brain .

I am Turning 21 on may and I really wish to write regularly this year too . My hopeless urge and my ability to sleep peacefully without it is the reason why I don’t write at all . I want to be one of those mentally ill people who don’t sleep at all , And all they do is work on themselves, or miss some human , atleast they are thinking – they are wide awake.  I find them cool , like really cool . One of my cousin said I should be glad that I sleep peacefully.  But I don’t want to know . I want to think until I need a this- that dear diary . No I am not kidding , but see for girl like me who always sleeps – a sleepless night might be the coolest thing ever .

So I am posting this whatever.

I won’t delete it later. What if I have those anxious days and come back here? I might read this and think, “What was wrong with you, Adyasha?!”

That’s it you guys might think I am crazy-